Dear Readers,
It seems obvious that my attempt to write this story as fiction is not going to fly with all you sharp folks. It is fiction, but based in a true story. Mine. I chose to write it on my blog because I was reading my journal and realized that it is a really interesting story, and might have broad appeal. However, I was hoping to explore it as a writing project, not as a therapy process. Now that it seems you've all figured out my master plan, I'm not going to bore you anymore with the details of one of the worst and devastating relationships I've ever known. Or to invite any therapizing on my process or choices.
Furthermore, I am frankly just not anywhere near there anymore, in my heart, and it was starting to feel like I was dredging up demons that really don't need to be aroused. What has been written already has served its purpose, and I value all of your feedback tremendously, and I thank you for it from the bottom of my heart.
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14 comments:
Cat - Many times it is in the sharing of our stories that we finally recognize ourselves - what we have survived and how we have grown. I appreciate the way you are willing to open yourself up and analyze things in a literary way. Perhaps, this then has served its purpose, as you say. You have realized that you have come so far beyond this chapter in your life, that sifting through it again brings only those dark, false nuggets of fool's gold. YOU are certainly the genuine article, shining brightly for all to enjoy. I appreciate you and all you generate through your works here.
Cat - I absolutely understand that having us comment as if this were some exercise in fiction -- when it was real and awful for you -- must be difficult to endure, bringing up the past and making it real once again.
You are such a talent, so creative and genuine that we, your cyber-friends, love anything you write. Letting this one go is probably a wise thing to do. Now...what's next? Can't wait. ((Hugs))
I agree with you about dredging up the past, sometimes it's good but only to a point....enough is enough sometimes, right? You're an amazing writer and I think like all of us other "writers" our writing does some healing.
Amazing how the closer to home a subject is, the harder it is to write about it, even under the banner of fiction. I found the Maddening Hearts writings hard to read, too. They are a bit too close to home for me; I could have been you.
There is something to be said for the kind of realisation this process has brought you to dear Cat. I think that there was value in this experience for you as a person and all that you shared your story with. You are a wise woman to know that sometimes the demons and stories of our past ARE best left to rest.
Hugs, G
Dear Sweet wonderful amazing friends. I thank you all for your compassionate words. I probably will continue to write this story, but not for the blog. I think it is difficult for many folks, as it does hit close to home for many of us. It is also difficult to read as a serial, and would be better as an entire finished entity so people can read as much as they are inclined to in any one sitting. What I have learned from this is the story itself is compelling, provocative and relevant. That was the best feedback of all, and now I will take it back into the woodshed and hash it out for a while. Thank you all once again for following along. You have all really helped me tremendously.
Oh, Cat, we were out all day or I would have posted sooner. I must not be one of your sharper readers because I didn't get the full extent of how autobiographical this was, and I can just imagine how it must have felt to have us all commenting on "her." I am so sorry for any unintentional but no less real pain that was inflicted-- that I inflicted.
You are a brave and creative soul and I love this blog in all of its manifestations. And I am most glad that you are in a different place now that the place written about in those journal entries.
I echo everyone else's sentiments. What a wonderfully supportive group you attract around here, Cat. :)
As a reader, I am a little disappointed, but as a friend, I am relieved that you're doing what's best for you.
The past influences us in so many different ways, but on a personal level, I'm very eager to see what you will be embracing in the present. I think I'm sensing some garden poetry sometime soon...
Just sayin'.
;)
I certainly can understand your dilemma. I've posted some very dark fiction which, in turn, has provoked a few people. In your case, your fellow bloggers care about you.
Now that you've peaked my interest, I'll have to read these posts to "dig up what is not your past." Hey, I have the best of intentions.
Jennifer, I thank you so much for your wonderful compassion. I don't want you to worry for a second that your comments upset me, they didn't, nor did anyone else's. Of course we hadn't even begun to get into the juicy horror story parts yet, but I'm kind of glad to have been 'found out' before we did. Now I don't have to put myself in that seat and take it.
And yes, I am in an entirely different world now than I was then. Thank the Unnameable One.
Sarah. :-) :-) ;-) That's all I'm sayin'.
JR- I love your adorable voyeuristic spirit. Enjoy! I did remove the latest post tho, but that's ok.
cat, i believe there is always a bit of truth in everyone's fiction, so this is not a surprise. the brilliant & brave thing that you have done on the blog is summed up in your wise words 'What has been written already has served its purpose'. i did the same type of thing when i took my journaling of my parents' back-to-back deaths in november & poured it out on the blog. can't say what made me do it, but it was done & it was right & i stopped short of the whole thing. it stopped being 'right' & that was ok by me. you are a very intuitive person. & i find myself very grateful that you are beyond that chapter of your story. hugs to you....
QDB - I loved those stories you told, they really showed your heart. And yes, there is a time for everything, including knowing when it is time to quit. Thank you so much for your words my friend.
Oh, Cat, don't worry. I know that fiction that draws upon our lives, especially upon difficult moments, it's hard to write. I almost can't do it...
Thank you for the courage of sharing this with us. Know that I'll be here for you.
Vesper- :-) Thank you my friend.
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