A serial piece exploring a year in the life of a woman who loved a mad man, as told through her journal entries. You can view the entire series (in reverse order) here.
ee cummings-somewhere i have never traveled. Performance and slide show by Catherine Vibert.
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9/8/00
Today I was listening to the ee cummings poem improvisation I made for you. I remember giving you that for Valentine’s Day a few years ago. I always had the feeling ee cummings was speaking of something spiritual when he wrote that poem, but when I made that rendition, I thought of you. The power of your eyes on me…like when you walked into class that day, and sat down next to me and just looked at me for what seemed like an eternity. My blood turned to treacle and I knew then that I was hooked on you, and completely powerless. It has been like that for so many years. That poem for me explains perfectly the effect you had on me then, and still have on me now. I don’t know if that is good or bad. I think I was angry at you at the moment I made it, something about it seems angry…
I watched you from the kitchen window as you focused on your work and puffed away on that silly clove cigarette… Just seeing a look of satisfaction in your face, what a funny juxtaposition against the ever-present wildness.
I wonder what it is about you (that closes and opens) that I am so very drawn to (whose texture compels me with the color of its countries) that brings out all the sweetness I’ve ever felt for anyone (rendering death and forever in each breathing) and multiplies it by thousands…
(Nobody, not even the rain has such small hands…)
9/9/00
Oh jesus, such romantic crap. I simply don’t understand why it is that whenever you look at me, still, I forgive whatever trouble you have caused in my life, and in the lives of all the other hundreds of women you have devastated with that stupid gaze of yours. Why do I do this? There must be something terribly wrong with me. Why did God pick me to be the whole world of second chances? I don’t get it.
A thin veil of glass
Sleep,
Sleep,
It will be gone when you wake,
Love knows no separation…
9/10/00
Joel called today to talk about our upcoming camping trip at the beach before the media conference. I get the feeling he and Susan broke up. Bad timing!
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20 comments:
Thanks for the comments Cat. You are one my favorite readers and I value your comments for my poetry. I prefer to come over your blog and leave my comments.
The video clip you posted is very interesting and new to me. It makes me feel the words you are writing. I am still curious about what's going to happen next? It's a mixture of reality and fiction. I love it. I am waiting to see more lights on the shadow of the guy's personnality, I mean Gavin.
I once loved a mad man. Oh wait, I still do........
Loved your post.
Steady On
Reggie Girl
Thank you Khaled! You are always welcome here, and the sentiment is returned!
The video clip was supposed to be an audio only clip, and is something I improvised from my favorite ee cummings poem about 13 years ago. It is actually easier to put video on the site than audio! Go figure. So I had fun with it and made a little movie with a bunch of pictures I had lying around the computer.
Midlife. I'll have to come over to your blog and get some research in. :-) Glad to see you here!
Cat, this is so cool--the weaving in of the poem's images. (I love that line about not even the rain having such small hands!)
I am really interested in the theme of choice/fate here, and how much she feels like she has no choice in being drawn back in: "Why did God pick me to be the whole world of second chances." I want to shake her and say you don't have to be his second chance, be your own second chance. But then again, perhaps that is premature...
Jennifer- You and me both! But then there wouldn't be a story, now would there? ;-)
I know, I know. But still, I want to shake her!
(But then I never finished "The Autobiography of Malcolm X" because I didn't want him to die. So I tend to get a little involved. ;) )
That's kind of how I feel at the end of Zefferelli's Romeo and Juliet. I can't see that movie in a public theater because I always start bursting into loud sobs at the death scene. Even though I know its coming and I've seen that movie well over 40 times. Let alone all the other versions...
Powerful performance, Cat. You dug deep into Cumming's words. Any poison felt seemed to drain away by that last, miraculous line. God, I love that poem. :) You made it breathe in a new light.
Sometimes those countries' colors can bleed and run together. And then its hard to know what still belongs to us, and what belongs to him. I felt Gavin's profound pull on her here. And her chafing at the ownership.
Can't wait to read on...
Cat - I love how you have woven the poem and journal together. The video is gorgeous -- voice, images, music -- all! You are truly multi-talented. You've taken the reading experience beyond the ordinary with this. I do want to tell her, though, that it's a lost cause, but I think she already knows.
I am so in awe of your talent, Cat. Every way you turn...it is evident. That performance was remarkable.
Very powerful entry! she is filled with angst. I feel sorry for her, in that she knows the relationship is unhealthy - but can do little to stop herself from being involved. I look forward to the next installment.
Cat, as usual, it's a wonderful experience to come to your blog. I love the story, and the video is awesome. The title instantly pulled me in, and I'm eager to click on the rest to read more. There is a sense of urgency in the voice, and I want to shake her, too. But you're very right...that's the story. Wonderful work, as always!
For some reason, after viewing this, I thought of the poem:
anyone lived in a pretty how town
and Carmen Sandiego.
Now why is that? Nicely done.
Oh... not to mention ... O'Keefe.
Hi Cat,
Your singing is astonishing and I adore the haunting qualities to this video! Simply entranced, am I.
e.e. cummings is one of my favorite poets. Wish I had a chance to hear part 1 and 2 now, but upcoming art show commissions and deadlines take precedence. (luckily I typO (notice typo), with fingers in rapid flight.
I'll also put up your kind awards after Romance & Love Day!
Sarah- Thank you! It is simply the best poem that has ever been written. The last line is pure genius. Even though I'm using this poem in the context of this crazy love affair, I really do mean what I said in it the story, I feel that often ee cummings was an ecstatic writer. Writing about the effect of (...The Nameless One) on him. But that's just INFP me. He wrote great essays too. I'm trying to find a place where his 'type' is stated but haven't succeeded yet.
Karen- Thank you! Yes, she's pretty confused at this point.
K. Thank you! I'm glad you feel her angst. It's good to know that communicates in this entry. I wish I could say it gets better. I think its kind of like those waves, sometimes calm, sometimes tsunamiesque.
Julie- Welcome home! I'm so glad to see you back safe and sound! And I'm glad you like the story and video too. Thank you!
JR- Thoughts of other ee cummings poems, understandable, thoughts of Georgia Okeefe, THANKS! But did that really make you think of Carmen Sandiego? Cool! I actually recorded that back in '94 before I worked on Carmen, on an old Apple IIc with a crusty old Audiomedia 2 sound card and a cheap stage mic. It was a handmedown from my brother and it was a couple of years before I finally started springing for decent equipment.
Gel- Many thanks! Good luck with the art show! Your work is beautiful!
That was very well written,waiting to read the next part :)
a profound twining of hope & desparation....as always~ looking forward to the next installment
Sameera and QDB- I just now all these days later saw your comments! My apologies! Thank you both once again for reading and keeping up with it. I appreciate you both very much.
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