A serial piece exploring a year in the life of a woman who loved a mad man, as told through her journal entries.
Labor Day 2000,
New journal purchased while puttering around with Gavin. It feels good after all these years of sneaking around, pretending not to care too much, to finally actually get to be with him. After the night he raped me back in '97, I was sure it was finished and I was through. I’m so glad I finally decided to contact him again. The fact that he found out that he is actually bipolar really explains a lot. He seems more self assured, and doesn’t seem to want to play games anymore. I guess the meds have helped him stay out of institutions. I’ve never really agreed with the idea of ‘meds’ but since I’ve known Gavin now for 6 years, and most of them an extreme roller coaster, I can see that they help him. He is calm now, and able to love.
A new era,
A new journal
New dimensions to explore,
Abundance,
A sense of grace…
A new journal picked
With Gavin by my side
Strange, but true
Gavin returns
My heart begins
To burn once more
Perchance, to heal?
Old wounds run deep
Will we kiss the deepest crevasses of them?
Will you stand tall
And face the dark shadows?
If I hold your hand
Will you face the shadows?
Will you help me face mine?
I love you…
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19 comments:
I hope that rollercoaster didn't get wild again. It's hard to know the difference between helping and being dragged down and depleted.
Jason, hee hee. Guess you'll have to keep reading to find out. ;-)
wow! this is a perspective we don't see too often. looking forward to more...
This is fascinating, Cat. With that line about the rape, of course, but also the idea of not liking medication vs. needing medication.
If he needs it, where does her new era and sense of grace go when he misses a dose?
I'll definitely be following! :)
Cool, Cat cousin! I'll be back!
Intriguing for sure. I truely enjoyed this and am definitely returning to see what happens next.
QDB-It's a tough story. Thanks for coming along.
Jennifer-That is a very good question, meds are a mixed bag indeed.
Anon-Hey Becky! Thanks for coming! It'll be good to have you along!
September, thanks!-I'm glad my Facebook prompt got you here. I never know if that will work!
Great start to a new series!
Can't wait to see how much she is willing to give during the inevitable unpredictability of mental illness. I've always had conflicting feelings about the meds issue. How does one choose between living with acceptable (perhaps safe) behaviors but dulled senses due to a filter (meds) in the brain vs. feeling real and living life with full feeling, full experience (in whatever way the brain experiences it) despite behaviors that may be unacceptable?
And more importantly, why did she choose to be with him? What does she think he offers her?
Looking forward to the next piece, Cat!
:)
hmmm...I have to wait and see what's next..it's a good step that she was able to forgive and understand why her Gavin did this..as the poem says at the end: Will they be able to face the dark shadows? Can't wait to know..
Thanks for the comments for my poem..I guess it's about life, the cycle that we live in...we are made of all earth elements..we take it, have it, and then give it back even if we want to keep it...
It is not exactly what I meant but this is how it came? A poet, like an artist, does not have to explain his feelings, his images, his thoughts or words (Smile).
I did not mean to make it that complex but this is how it was folded?
Aine, thanks! All great concerns and will be addressed for sure. A quick answer to one of your questions, she's probably feeling more than thinking at this point.
Khaled, thanks! I am honored that you did explain your poem. I agree with you, not necessary to explain, but for me, oh so nice. Thank you!
Ooh! This is going to be good. I already have questions about the relationship and what she is going to be like, why she went back with someone who raped her, and how long he's going to remain calm. Much to come here!
Hi Cat - I did leave a comment yesterday, but don't know where it got to...lol
Oh, a serial...sounds interesting!
Love the idea of journal entries.
Does a woman have to be mad to love a madman??? Looking forward to delving into the depths here. ;)
Karen & K., it is great to have you two on this ride. Hold on tight!
K. That seems to be happening a lot these days. The blogger monster eating our comments like that, for shame!
Looks very promising, Cat. I'm looking forward to reading the next parts.
I like the poem of hopes and incertitudes...
Hey Vesper! Thanks!! :-)
Ooo...a series! I'm already engrossed. :)
Looks like we'll be exploring new dimensions and shadow worlds, too. Gavin is already a huge, complex character, and all kinds of tension are palpable. I'm hoping things don't explode in that furnace, and yet...
Hi Sarah! And yet...wouldn't be fun to read without those things, now would it? :-)
I am still wondering why did she contact him after the rape?? i mean do girl actually think like that? Can they really forgive and face the man or monster of the moment?
Sawan-I would say that no, most girls don't think like that, but the situation here is complex. In this case, she knew him for many years before that happened, and had developed a very complicated co-dependence due to the nature of their relationship, and his illness of the mind. The answers aren't easy at all.
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