Monday, February 2, 2009

Maddening Hearts in the Last Year of Innocence, pt 1

A serial piece exploring a year in the life of a woman who loved a mad man, as told through her journal entries.

Labor Day 2000,

New journal purchased while puttering around with Gavin. It feels good after all these years of sneaking around, pretending not to care too much, to finally actually get to be with him. After the night he raped me back in '97, I was sure it was finished and I was through. I’m so glad I finally decided to contact him again. The fact that he found out that he is actually bipolar really explains a lot. He seems more self assured, and doesn’t seem to want to play games anymore. I guess the meds have helped him stay out of institutions. I’ve never really agreed with the idea of ‘meds’ but since I’ve known Gavin now for 6 years, and most of them an extreme roller coaster, I can see that they help him. He is calm now, and able to love.

A new era,
A new journal
New dimensions to explore,
A sense of grace…

A new journal picked
With Gavin by my side
Strange, but true
Gavin returns
My heart begins
To burn once more
Perchance, to heal?

Old wounds run deep
Will we kiss the deepest crevasses of them?
Will you stand tall
And face the dark shadows?

If I hold your hand
Will you face the shadows?
Will you help me face mine?
I love you…
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