Wachet Auf

Breathe with me now and then awaken

(...)

Repeat:

There are no gods, there are only metaphors

(There are no gods, there are only metaphors)

Stories of adventures of gods on earth are metaphors

(Stories of adventures of gods on earth are metaphors)

Fairy Tales are metaphors

(Fairy Tales are metaphors)

There are no soul mates, there are only compatible or incompatible significant others

(There are no soul mates, there are only compatible or incompatible significant others)

The soul mate idea is a Fairy Tale

(The soul mate idea is a Fairy Tale)

True love is an earned state after a long period of trial and interaction

(True love is an earned state after a long period of trial and interaction)

Riding off into the sunset is a Fairy Tale

(Riding off into the sunset is a Fairy Tale)

No one will save you except you

(No one will save me except me)

Compassion and kindness are human qualities to nurture

(Compassion and kindness are human qualities to nurture)

Established personal boundaries are to be respected

(Established personal boundaries are to be respected)

Listen and observe rather than push forward an agenda

(Listen and observe rather than push forward an agenda)

It is not kind or compassionate to disrespect established personal boundaries

(But…)

No buts, you simply can not force love, friendship, religion or belief upon anyone

(But then I’ll be spiritually bereft and will have nothing to hang on to)

Belief in Fairy Tales and Illusions tends to end badly

(But it’s all I have to sustain me!)

Try this, fall in love with Earth, seasons, the mystery of coincidence, earn romantic love with another through long periods of trial and interactions, listen, connect face to face with neighbors, witness whatever you can witness and without judgement, all this is happening now with no illusions, breathe and tap into that, reality is enough, now breathe and awaken.

(…)

Stalkers and Why They Suck

Since this is my resurrected writing blog and I haven’t really advertised it yet, that I’m doing this, I’d like to discuss something that makes me very uncomfortable; stalking.Yes folks, it’s a rant. I’m writing this up for two reasons, one, for the record, and two, I’m curious how you would deal with such an annoying and unwelcome situation. My desperate stalker has resurfaced and refuses to stop making attempts via email to communicate with me and to continue to suggest that “we be friends”. Some background, I dated him in the late 90s for a few months until it was evident that he was not someone I wanted to be dating, and so I stopped. That was when the stalking started. He wrote to me many times a day at first, so I had his email blocked. That’s when he started writing from different email addresses. Every time I’d block one, he’d make a new one. And then I changed my email, but he did a ‘whois’ search and discovered my new one. Every email uses my name as the subject heading. One day after deciding that I wasn’t reading his letters, since I wasn’t responding to them, he sent some 60 odd emails with the letter typed into the subject headings. At this point I contacted the police, and an officer came over and gave him a call and asked him not to bug me anymore, that I didn’t want further contact with him. The officer told me that without some kind of threat of violence in the emails, there was nothing that could really be done. It was just an annoyance and I’d have to learn to deal with it unless I got a restraining order. The officer also warned that restraining orders can have untoward effects by potentially causing him to become enraged and violent, so advised I be very careful before I decided to go that route. (Once when being interviewed as a juror for a stalking case, I was chided by a judge for not getting that restraining order. I didn’t get selected due to obvious bias against stalking…).

The officer’s call had no effect on his behavior, he continued to pursue me via email. When I got back together with a former boyfriend a few months down the line, my very alpha boyfriend wrote to him and tried to use common sense and reasoning (intermingled with a ‘she’s mine’ attitude) to get him to stop bugging me. That worked for a while, I think it helped that stalker-dude knew I was with someone else and no longer available. However, that only lasted for a year or so and after that, I have continued to get letters from him a couple of times a year every year since, and it is now 11 years. It tapered off for a while, but after I started keeping a blog, he started writing again, speaking on points he'd read about in my blog. He wrote to me last year, pleading for friendship, saying how much he missed me, etc. and you may recall that I called him out on my blog and clearly restated my boundaries in public for all the world to see. Many of you spoke to him via the comment section, and I thank you for supporting me there. He saw it, wrote me a letter saying my post was ‘creepy’ and ‘goodbye’. Since then, he wrote again a few months ago, again pleading for friendship and speaking idealistically. I didn’t answer that one. 

He wrote to me again last week, again pleading for friendship. I wrote him back this time, again restating my boundaries. He again wrote back and called me an asshole. He also stated, ‘I know more about you than you would feel comfortable discussing.’ I wrote him again and stated that since our interactions — when I choose to interact — always end up in him calling me names, why can’t he just have mercy on both of us and leave me alone forever! He wrote back and said he didn’t read my email. I left it at that, and now I’m writing this on my blog. I’ve saved all the emails since 2007 as evidence should it come to that.

The thing is, if you Google how to handle cyberstalkers, you will get a long list of how to get your information offline from every possible place. The problem is, if you have a website, your information is public via a ‘whois’ search. He knows this trick well, I learned that 11 years ago. I have a very public online persona, and I simply can’t afford to be offline as a businesswoman. The internet is a powerful marketing tool, and I want people who are interested in my art or writing to be able to find me, which means the stalker can find me, and that is really a problem. The laws about what to do about the stalkers themselves, those are horribly out of date. This Internet universe is still relatively new, and it takes a long long time for laws to be made and enforced. Especially laws that cross state lines. But no one should have to put up with this kind of harassment from anyone! And yet this kind of harassment exists, and it leaves the victims feeling helpless, violated, and a very unpleasant shroud of fear to interact normally with people. That fear extends beyond the internet, as I gotta tell you from experience folks. Although I do think I handle it pretty well, I notice the tendrils of mistrust that worm their way into my life as a result of this harasser’s very unwelcome attempts to communicate. There is the option of a civil suit, but frankly I don’t have time or money to engage in a civil suit. Nor do I want the ‘opportunity’ to have to be anywhere at all near this guy. All I really want is for the whole thing to just go away. There are reasons for good clear boundaries, and anyone who violates a clear boundary that you have made, the circle of protection that you have placed around yourself, is essentially committing a crime of the spirit.

Catvibe's Writing Place Resurrected With New Name

Well friends, I am resurrecting this blog as a place to dump all my word combinations.  It just wasn't working for me to write freely as I wanted to over at the other place, so I made that other site strictly an art site, and this is where I'll write stuff.  Capeesh?  I don't have anything to write at the moment, but at least I have the home.  Those who have been here in the past may have noticed  I changed the name of the blog.  The last name was created in anticipation of my travels in 2007, and that's just not happening these days.  This name is inspired by a T-shirt I have which is a cat sitting in front of his catbox, with his little piles of poo all neatly arranged and the sand perfectly raked into little hills. The cation is 'zencat'.  It's just, just so...well you know, perfect. 

See you soon with something better than this to read.  I promise.

A New Blog for a Different Time

Dear Friends, this is my last post at Witnessing a World of People and Places. This blog has been a rich and amazing experience, and although I set it up initially to keep my family and friends informed of my travels, it has become something far richer. However, I'm not traveling much these days, in fact I'm lucky if I make it out of my house, so the title doesn't really fit anymore. Now, I've begun a new business as an artist, and I wanted to make my blog fit my life as it is now, so I've moved. Please come to my new house, I can't wait to see you and serve you up some eye candy for the soul! I will be updating all of your links onto my page in the next couple of days. Yes, I know Sarah's blog is on there now. She's been giving me the visual A-OK! Nothing like having a little help from your friends!

Please update your links to www.catvibe.net/blog.

Love to all,
Cat

Headless Buddha gets selected for show!

Dear Friends, I am very excited to announced that my Headless Buddha with Blue Moon and Orchid was selected by a juror to be in a very intimate and competitive art show at Grace Community Church in Mills River, NC. It's the first time my art has ever been in a show, and I'm so excited and honored to have my work selected. The opening is Saturday night from 7:30 to 9:30 and is open to the public.

I am taking a blogging haitus for the remainder of November. I'm writing a novel as a participant in the NaNoWriMo.org annual writer's contest. The only way to win is to get to 50,000 words by the end of the month. I'm a few days in and at 9300 words, so I'm plodding along.

In addition, I'm also taking a class and learning how to use Wordpress software to have an online store for my prints. I intend to have this up and running by the beginning of December. I am taking pre-orders for the above Headless Buddha prints. If you are interested in ordering one or more of these prints, which look beautiful when printed on textured fine art paper, please email me at cat@catvibe.com. I will also be offering others, but I haven't tested the printability of all of them yet. Do let me know if you have interest in any other images on my blog, and I will test and see how well they print. For instance, the Headless Buddha and New Moon doesn't print so well. Calibration is key! I'm working out the kinks.

In any case, I am so grateful for all of your ongoing support. You must know how much each and every one of you mean to me. I cyberhug you now. Did you feel it?

Three Graces hold an Autumn Ball

Three Graces hold an Autumn Ball
Oil on Canvas

Wear your finest gold
Winter is tomorrow's game
Today, we shall dance!

Three Graces Under a Zebra Sky

Three Graces Under a Zebra Sky
Watercolor

Yes friends, there is more to life than Headless Buddhas. A person can't stare at stillness forever! I have been a very busy bee lately. In addition to taking classes in InDesign and Wordpress and Dreamweaver, etc. I've also embarked on a process to learn the business of becoming a professional artist. I can't tell you how happy I am to sit down to paint with the knowledge that I am doing my job! So, I thank you again for your patience, my blogging friends are getting short shrifted as my schedule fills up, but I want you to know that you all have been SUCH an inspiration. Your support over this last year has been what has gotten me through a very difficult and introspective journey allowing me to come to this point. You people are just awesome and it is a blessing to know you.

The above painting is my view across the street. Those who have been following my blog for a while may remember The Three Graces, my beloved trees.

Gaze of Fire Woman

Gaze of Fire Woman
From Headless Buddha Series
Digitally Altered Watercolor

She stares at the stillness as her dreams fall away into the clouds of desert sand and pools of darkness somehow connect the colors of its countries rendering death and forever into a complex tapestry that she lives purging all perceived self definitions into the fire of wholly sacrificing every scrap from past destinations and stepping off the cliffs of nothing into love invisible and omnipresent reality.

Note: Nod to ee cummings; 'the colors of its countries rendering death and forever' borrowed from Somewhere I have Never Traveled

Fall Away

Headless Buddha with Birthday Orchid
Digitally altered watercolor

If only I were a statue
I would sit all day and watch the clouds
Until my head fell away.
Then, still, I would sit
With my hand in my lap
Knowing it is not me
That makes the orchid grow.
The water flows so perfectly
While I am still.

A Moonlight Sonnet

Moonlight on River
Oil on Canvas

If we could have a moment spent alone

Where I could whisper soft into your ear

Of forces that it seems we both have known

And yet can never speak of these, for fear

That speaking thus will cause the river’s edge

To overflow with secrets best submerged

The voicing of such thoughts would cause a wedge

A confluence of unity diverged

The loves we’ve wed would shatter with my voice

As if my whisper were to be a shout

And they would be the victims of our choice

The pain of this we can not bring about.

Oh waters, wash me clean of this despair

Let me not, of you, presume to care.

A note: This is not autobiographical, but is dedicated to a friend. Also, I apologize again for not being out there blogging so much. I'm really trying to focus on painting, and I can't paint and be on the computer at the same time. I have to admit that painting has kind of taken over my life, and I'm really grateful for the consumption!

Beauty from the Dust

We crumble, we can not help this
Our dreams, thoughts and loves will all fade in time,
As beauty grows from the dust.

Blue Moon with Buddha and Orchid
From Headless Buddha series
Digitally altered watercolor collage