All is quiet now
Nothing but the sound of tears
Falling on the grass
Nothing but the sound of tears
Falling on the grass
Shanti stared at the sky from the bed near the window. The rain pelted the window pane. A small rivulet of water trailed from a crack in the glass down to a pool on the sill. Shanti put her finger on the water and changed its course. She could feel Ann watching her. She could feel her concern. She let out a deep breath and turned over, locking eyes with Ann.
“I wish I could see Adam again,” Shanti said.
Ann’s face started to contort, a deep furrow worked its way into her brow. “Why didn’t we do something?”
Ann started to sob and Shanti could not hold back her own tears. The two of them embraced each other and sobbed together as the rain turned to hail, beating against the window. The sound was deafening on the roof of the old clapboard dormitory hall. The silvery crack in the glass grew.
The hail subsided a few minutes later. Shanti got up and looked out the window at the grass field between the buildings. A mound of flowers, balloons, pictures and notes rose among the fallen leaves and hailstones. A small group of students were gathered around the flowers, holding umbrellas.
“I always thought he was a little edgy, but aren’t we all?”
“Yeah, but he seemed like he was happy most of the time. He was always joking around!”
“Except when he drank. Did you ever see him do that? Flip out and start crying?” Shanti said, then paused. “Wait. Was that a clue? Should we have worried then?”
Ann shrugged, “Did you ever notice him complaining?”
“Not really. He always seemed upbeat."
“You don't believe it?”
“Sometimes I got the sense he was ... haunted.”
Shanti put her forehead to the window and watched the crowd gathering. Adam’s girlfriend had just arrived with a wreath. She fell to her knees sobbing as she added the wreath to the mound. Other students helped her stand up. They formed a circle, locked arms, and started to sing "In The Arms Of An Angel.”
As the music drifted up to Shanti’s ears, the rain stopped and the clouds broke. A single ray of sun fell over the crowd. Drops of rain on the flowers glistened like diamonds. The crowd grew silent.
“Come on,” Shanti said quietly, “Let’s go down there.” She clutched Ann’s hand and they made their way out to the circle. They joined arms with their friends.
The rain began to fall again, mixing gently with their many rivers of tears.
23 comments:
So well written Cat and so easy to step into that scene.
I appreciate you and your blog lady
Linda
Extremely well described Cat.
It felt more like watching than reading. You showed the most complex emotions in the most trying times with great ease.
Very touching. Very well written.
The sad thing about your short story Cat is that it's reality. And you're described it in a very real way, taking your readers right to the scene.
The haiku is very touching - almost makes one stop breathing to prevent making a sound.
A very apt picture to go with it too Cat. Loved every bit of your post!
Linda, thank you so much. It was actually the same time I was responding to your post in the middle of the night, listening to the rain, when I started writing this. It was just one line about the rain, and that line no longer exists in this piece, it has morphed into something completely different. :-)
Thanks Aniket, I really appreciate your support and encouragement. I was hoping I communicated the emotions well without being overly dramatic, so your comment means a lot.
Thanks for mentioning that Margaret. Teen suicide is at epic levels and it is something that is of great concern. I think it is symptomatic of a deeper darker picture and I hope we are able to address it. Thanks for your words on the picture too. I had a hard time finding one from my collection to match this scene.
Its so touching and wonderful! Even I could see it happening before me. The decriptions are great! The haiku is beautiful!
I had done a post two days bac Indian art on atcs...think u'll like it. I posted a haiku today with an illo that I made somatime bac...hehe
A very touching piece, Cat, very real, unfortunately, and very well written.
I liked the small details, like the crack in the window pane or the finger changing the course of the water rivulet...
so many many emotions here... beautiful write!
Oh, Cat! I am so happy you are writing fiction. This is very powerful and makes me think deeply. I love how you don't go into the details of the "incident," but you use the conversation to let us in on the scene. It is so heartbreaking and real.
The emotions come through very well in the dialogue. You paint the picture in a very strong way without going into the horror. I love the details you give us instead, like the crack in the window pane. It's a very powerful and poignant detail.
The conversation reminds me of an incident concerning a man in a factory near where I used to work. After the horror was over, everybody talked about the "signs and warnings" they didn't see before the incident.
You are teaching us well and making us think. Thank you so much for sharing this important story!
Ooo, touching and emotive story, so much so that I've gotten goose bumps. It lingers Sis, and that's a tell-tale sign of a well written story.
keep writing woman!
Calli
Emotional and heartbreaking, and
I'm sure the scene is being played
out as your words reach my heart.
Cat, you've surpassed yourself,
your writing, word choice, the
nuances expertly weaved in all
gather hand us this portrait of
a young and inwardly troubled
person, who could no longer
face the next day.
Ordinarily I like quiet, but not when you can hear nothing but the sound of tears falling on the glistening green blades.
"Shanti put her finger on the water and changed its course."
What a descriptive moment. LOVE it!
Oh,my! Yesterday you're asking for advice on how to write, and today you prove you don't need advice -- you just need to sit down!! This is believable, contemporary, touching, and well written! Some of the details that make this: the crack in the window, the little pool of water on the sill, the rain that turns to hail then to rain again, one ray of sunshine, the dialogue, the situation...all of it! Bravo!!!
wowww.......i could so visualize the story. it was so well written.
and the haiku at the beginning is brilliant.
lovely blog you have catvibe.
take care. :)
I especially like how the environment cries with them. The details make the story fly.
You've captured this experience so well Cat. And this is a reality too many times. Great photo too.
What a fabulous write, Cat! This touches me deeply. The storyline is so affecting and you crafted it with great sensitivity - and with such realism. I love this.
A soft, poignant elegy, Cat. I love the beautiful simplicity of the prose here--so much more effective for the mournful moment than anything overwrought would be.
That "finger on the water" moment electrified me, too. That was the little detail that allowed the rest of the story to take flight.
I felt your compassionate and questioning spirit in this piece. Sometimes, there are no answers. And yet we want them anyway.
Dear friends, I'm not sure why this story came to me as it did, and when. Although, this story truly is fiction, it also is an alternative to something real that happened, and it seems to be in the air this week. I can't go into it in deeper detail than that other than to say that once again, I am floored by psychic connections. I am really really grateful for your eyes and love in reading this story. And I hope with all my heart that the trend in college suicides will be addressed thoroughly and that change will happen and our kids will get the support they need during this extremely confusing stage of life.
Cat, I 'm so glad you are sharing fiction. the poignancy of this prose tells me two things- one , it says you are an artist. and two, it says you are a poet.
you weaved a very human tragedy into a string of very very beautiful words. and your prose had that most essentianl quality of a good story- images. you made us see what was happening and you didnt have to tell us anything. the words wrer spare and the pictures many. delicious Cat.
am waiting so eagerly for your next story.
Cat, absolutely love the silent sound of tears as they slide down your cheek. Have you ever notices how hot they are as they trickle into your mouth and how salty they taste!
Love the leaves that you chose to go with your story. They look so warm and alive and the colors glowing as if there is life in them yet waiting to be watered by your warm, salty tears. you touch my soul with this photo and your words.
Cat, I am trying to catch up and I started with the most recent. And what a treat I received for doing so! This is beautiful, just so well done, showing us their pain and that reflexive second guessing we all do when something goes wrong that we wish we could have stopped. I love the coming together at the end, the not giving into solitary despair. Because that is the only way out, isn't it?
Your prose appears effortless and controlled--not at all overwrought. Can't wait to read what you write next!
You wear "storytelling " well Dear Cat.
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